I was meditating outside in the middle of the night in the pouring rain, oblivious to the pelting and the cold and centered in utter stillness when the message came in. It was already getting old by precious minutes when I got back inside and checked my messages.
SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT
Men With Pens will redesign. Their Drive-by Shootings are unchecked. Time to do for them what they’ve done for many. The Men With Pens blog design? Take it out as only you can.
Hmm. Had to act fast. No time for elaborate planning. This was going to be fast, dirty, and silent. An improvised mission they would never see coming. Remarkablogger, posting on a Saturday? Bucking the long-standing tradition of drive-by shootings by slipping in with nothing but a single knife in the dark? Yeah, that would work.
I fired up the Jeep and headed out to the Canadian wilderness to the MwP compound. In a black special ops pack beside me in the passenger seat was a minimum of get-in-get-out gear. My knife, an Interceptor 911 TiCN, was strapped to my thigh. My left thigh. One more thing they wouldn’t expect: a southpaw. Heh. I couldn’t help but smile as I made my approach. I killed the headlights and put the nightvision goggles on. Everything went green.
The Men had made the mistake of leaving a window cracked open to let in some cool night air. I slipped in silently.
On a lonely monitor in the dark was the Men With Pens site. I set to work.
"Let’s see," I said out loud to myself, "The number one issue I see here is an identity crisis. It’s not that they don’t know who they are, it’s that we don’t know who they really are. The title tag says ‘Copywriting and Web Design’ but the banner says otherwise: ‘Shooting from the hip’ which says nothing substantive and ‘Web Business Tips for Writers, Freelancers, and Online Entrepreneurs’ which isn’t really text at all, since it’s in an image. Will the real tagline please stand up? What’s the unique value proposition, here? I don’t see it.
"Arial? Why do people insist on using Arial for body text? Don’t they know it predates the web and is one of the least readable fonts onscreen? Verdana, guys, Verdana. It’s at least 25% more readable onscreen than Arial is. Arial’s good for one thing only: headlines. Speaking of headlines, I like to see more than just one font in a design: one for headlines, one for body text.
"The logo. Good work, but it needs to be better. Changing this would change the entire design, though. You know what I think? Instead of a shooting metaphor, I’d rather see a "pen is mightier than the sword" idea. Pens criss-crossed like swashbuckler swords. A hint of daring-do in the overall design. Earthier colors instead of all the black and red.
"The business. Where is it? I bet more business comes in through the contact page than the Hired Guns page. What exactly do these guys offer? I can’t tell on the home page. And frankly, if I can’t see it and understand in only few precious seconds upon landing, they’ve already lost business. Would you open a store and then try to hide the entrance?
"The business and services pages are too difficult to navigate. Needs a more unified front. A listing of services does not convey benefit. The clients page is a bit of a mess. I want screenshots, descriptions of the goals and deliverables, I want testimonials. I want to see how you work with clients, because that’s how I know how you’ll work with me if I was thinking about hiring you. I want to hear from clients in their own words why I should hire you."
Suddenly the lights came on! Harry held what looked like a Smith & Wesson SW1911, pointed right at me. James sat at a table. Before him lay some nice sharp cheddar, a bottle of Syrah, and three wine glasses. It was a setup, a trap!
James looked at the big knife strapped to my leg and chuckled. "They’re called drive-by shootings for a reason," he said, "You thought you were clever, bringing a knife to a gunfight. How does that thing do with cheddar?"
"Great," I said, "so sharp that even a well-aged cheddar doesn’t crumble." I slipped the knife from its sheath–slowly–I didn’t want to make Harry nervous. It is a little-known fact that military combat knives are great at slicing cheese.
"You can put that away," I said to Harry. "I didn’t come for you, only for the design. Let’s pour a glass and raise a toast to the new design–whatever it will be."
"Hear, hear," Harry said as he took a chair. James poured and we all clinked our raised glasses together. The conversation went on long into the early morning. I got up to take my leave and headed for the window by which I had slipped in earlier.
"You can go out the front door, you know," said James.
"Uh… yeah, I knew that," I said, "See you guys later." I left them to craft their design plans and headed back to my secret compound deep in the Green Mountains of Vermont. I stowed my gear, brewed up a fresh French press of strong coffee, and messaged headquarters:
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
——————————————————–
Harry and James are good friends. They really are redesigning, and they really are asking for your input. Why don’t you head on over and offer your suggestions?
18 Comments
You had me at cheddar.
This was great. You have a few valid points, and a few I don’t agree with, but overall, good stuff going on here.
Thanks Mike!
You’re quite welcome. It was fun. I certainly don’t expect you to agree with everything, but I hope you found something useful to take away with you.
Michael,
Nice hit. Lots more for the Men to chew on… besides the cheddar.
Please, don’t eat it with the Syrah.
James, are you sorry you asked yet?
Regards,
Kelly
Cheddar? What, no Brie and une petite baguette? Martine…very fun, and unexpected for a Saturday.
Although the pen sword thing, uh…too cliche…way too cliche… forward not back…
@Kelly: Wine gives me a headache, so no worries there.
@Janice: Any cheese will do, Michael has found my kryptonite.
The pen/sword thing was the main point I disagreed with. As much as I love swords, and pens, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to create a pen/sword theme or logo for us.
Harry,
No wine? The stalking is OFF, then. 79 bucks on the gamblers’ special to Vegas is too much dough if there’s no vino on the other end.
Until later,
Kelly
Harry-Cheese AND syrup…good to know (smiling).
Yep. That would be way wrong direction for you, says smarty mc smart pants here… chuckling. Don’t cha love all this free advice…
(I am working on some new notes for you that I think we can have fun with. )
What can I say? People LOVE THE OBVIOUS. Many months ago I advised WPCandy. The site’s called WPCandy and they had no candy in the design. I said “Put some candy in the design.” After one or more redesigns (not sure how many) now they have a candy logo and it totally rocks. So, call me Captain Obvious all you like!
The way to make a cliché work is to give people exactly what they expect, but with a little twist. People love having their expectations validated, not violated. The twist keeps it from being boring. That’s how I see it, anyway. You might see it differently.
Michael,
Positioning would be all wrong. That is IF they want people like me as clients. For someone who is claiming to be extraordinary with content and design, it takes something more than the obvious. It takes a little more finesse. That is just me though.
Janice, I absolutely acknowledge and understand what you’re saying. Thanks for furthering the discussion! I view my suggestion as doing exactly what you say: more than obvious and with finesse (it’s all in the twist). This is all very subjective, of course! This is only my opinion.
I agree with Michael. Cliches can work, and the way to make them work is to fucking embrace them with everything you have. There’s *nothing* uncool about cliches. Love ‘em.
That said, it’s not the right cliche for us.
As to the rest, I love it, Michael. Thanks for this in more ways than one, and we’ll take your suggestions into consideration. Everyone’s comments this time round have been cool to hear. Some we knew, some we didn’t, and some we’d never considered from the different angle, so it’s all valuable as hell.
Cheers!
(Oh, and I’ll be drinking Shiraz late into the night… chin-chin!)
James, I glad you agree in principle! I’m really stoked at what you guys will come up with! Don’t hide the prototypes from me! Happy to lend a pair of eyeballs when you need them.
James-As you say. And yes Michael, very subjective. I think this touched a point( groan) though, that “twist”, that’s exactly where the USP comes into design. That can be fun, tricky, but fun.
Good discussion guys.
This was a ton of fun to read. Even on a Saturday.
I’ve always wondered about the shooting from the hip thing. I get what it means, because I get the whole Pen Men shooter imagery. But I’ve wondered if people who don’t know the guys and their themery (new word) take it the wrong way. I did when I first found their blog, before I knew them.
I like the word “themery!”
An very informative, helpful story, and very well told! I’m revamping BTGNow.net’s logo in a month or two, and you post is making me think about some things!
Aw jeez sorry I read the comment policy while submitting. Guess I’m just plain ol’ BTG now.
@BTG - At least you acknowledged it and were nice about it. I won’t delete your first comment, but I will change the name in it. Thanks for coming by and commenting! Hope you stick around.